Assertiveness is the ability to express feelings, ideas and opinions in a free, clear and simple way, communicating them at the right time and to the right person. It sounds easy, but the truth is that life puts us in situations in which, although it may seem easy to be assertive, our own feelings play against us.
We can be assertive people, it is only necessary to practice and polish those communication skills. Now then...
What are the steps to take to communicate assertively? assertively?
1. Describe the concrete facts. When we describe what has happened, the other person cannot deny them and so we can start from them to begin the discussion and make precise statements.
2. Express our feelings. For that we must communicate, in a forceful and clear way, how what happened makes us feel and what we think about it. It is the moment to say "I am fed up", "I can't stand it anymore", "I feel humiliated". Not to see it as a justification, but so that the other person realizes that the concrete fact that I have described is reflected in me and I have the right to express that feeling so that he/she understands me in what may come later in the dialogue and discussion.
3. Ask in a concrete way what we want. It is not a matter of speaking in a general way, if we describe the concrete facts, express our feelings and thoughts, ask in a concrete way what we want, we open a possibility to specific behaviors that the other can understand and do, to take that step forward.
4. Specify positive consequences. Make it clear what is going to happen when they do what we ask. It is preferable to specify what they are going to get in a positive way and not to pose it as a punishment, because punishments are much less effective than rewards.
Assertiveness is a social skill, a behavior that allows us to defend our rights without attacking or being attacked, the ingredient that will contribute the most to gaining the respect and trust necessary to persuade and convince".
